Autumn leaves and forgiveness

Forgiveness says you are given another chance to make a new beginning.” Dr Desmond Tutu.

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Walking through the mountains with the freshness of a new Autumn kissing the air, I paused to reflect on the leaves scattered over the dewy early morning forest floor. What could they teach me about life, and why did they manifest within me such a connection with forgiveness?

You see, I’ve always compared myself to everybody, and I mean everybody, and always came up short in my opinion. There were always people who were more of everything…self-assured, confident…knew how to be themselves… if only I could be a little more like them.
I’d be telling an untruth if I said I never became jealous…but not of material possessions; it wasn’t about that, unless you’d call someone embarking on a world trip a material possession, then no. It was more about the traits of a person really.
I would speak badly to myself when I failed to live up to my, and others’, expectations, or found myself in the middle of those pesky little ‘brain freeze’ moments …the EFTPOS machine is constantly yelling at me to remove my card from the machine while I’m ‘off with the fairies’ for which I was oft accused.
‘But it’s always such a happy place there…’ I would reflect.

Did any of this chastisement make me happy with myself at all?
Or aid in rectifying my shortcomings?

Not for one minute.

All it did was consolidate more of what I didn’t want through spending energy on my lack. Frequently, our perceived ‘lack’ has been pointed out to us by others too, on a fairly consistent basis.
Being a bit of an anxious and sensitive person, I wrapped them up and carried them with me wherever I travelled…they became who I was.

Where were my gifts?
How could I find them?

More feelings of inadequacy grew to become the elephant in the room….I knew it was there but didn’t quite know how to approach it.

Once I eventually discovered two tiny seeds labelled ‘forgiveness’ and ‘acceptance’ with my name on them, I planted them, watered them and nurtured them to life until they were able to reveal their elusive mysteries. As I began to inhabit these new thoughts through daily reminders such as affirmations, intentions and words from wise sages, they began to disperse their seeds, creating more growth. In time, they left no space for the weeds in the garden of my mind to continue to cultivate those negative beliefs about myself.

I now understand that discussing world affairs isn’t going to be something I will comfortably engage in, that team sports and competitiveness in the arena are not interesting to me, that parties and large gatherings frequently have me running for cover unless I can hide in a quiet corner with someone else who feels the same way, where we share our personal stories.
Acceptance of ‘what is’ creates space for new growth and is a necessary contribution towards self-love.

When we choose to focus on our positive qualities, we watch them grow, awakening to how beautiful life can become when we no longer admonish ourselves.

The freedom it affords us is empowering.

After deciding to focus on my strengths and realising I could re-write my inadequacies as positives, I discarded those detrimental beliefs and gave them permission to ‘fall from the tree’, like the leaves of Autumn that have served their purpose, slowly drifting to the ground, returning their nutrients to the soil…making space for the new growth.

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What if our evolution meant simply loving those parts of us we were trying to conceal?
What if our evolution meant we could see possibility instead of lack?
What if we forgave ourselves for those feelings of inadequacy and just said thank you…

So now the time had arrived…

Thank you anxiety, you showed me how to control my fear,
Thank you inadequacy, you showed me I AM enough,
Thank you over-sensitivity, you showed me how to feel for others,
Thank you worry, you showed me greater peace,
Thank you emotions, you showed me to release my fear of vulnerability,
Thank you solitude, you showed me how to listen to my deepest spirit callings,
Thank you pain, you slowed me down long enough for my heart to catch up,
Thank you, ‘too quiet’, you showed me how to listen,
Thank you jealousy, you showed me what’s important to me,
Thank you ‘day-dreamer’, you showed me the possibilities,
Thank you fear, you showed me how to push through my doubts,
Thank you inferiority, you showed me we are all equal, and all worthy of LOVE,
Thank you self-criticism, you showed me the way ahead can only be LOVE for myself.

May we find forgiveness in our lack of unconditional love towards ourselves.

I’d be honoured to offer you a small affirmation if this post resonated with you…
‘I AM loveable as I AM…I AM enough.’

Sending love,
Di 🦋❤
**Prompted by forgivingFridays challenge, through the beautiful blog ForgivingConnects

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93 thoughts on “Autumn leaves and forgiveness

  1. Your post really resonated with me as I am trying to get to the same place as you – accepting myself and trying to harness the power I do have to move forward rather than letting the negative freeze me to the same spot. It’s a difficult journey but it helps that you liken it to the Autumn leaves falling off as it’s my favourite season and I always feel a lot calmer with all the changes. Thank you for sharing x

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello to you,
      I’m touched by your heartfelt contribution to my post. Thank you so much, as it means such a lot to know that this little journey I’m on resonated with you so much. It’s always a comfort to know that we are not alone in this and so many are feeling the same way. It’s always been my intention to share what I’ve discovered and are still discovering…
      My wish is today you find something beautiful in at least one thing you used to hide from… baby steps and tiny victories make a big difference.
      Thank you again for stopping by,
      💐🌟Di

      Liked by 1 person

  2. This is another fantastic post Di. You are absolutely right! What we see as inadequacies and lack or failure, other sees as opportunity for growth and improvement.
    Some people cannot accept their inadequacies and focus on the things that they have instead of being more grateful for what they have. I guess it’s also a matter of how we choose to see things. It pays off to be forgiving, accepting and grateful. 😊

    Liked by 1 person

      1. Hello dear Nina!
        I’m beginning to reply to comments and yours is my first and this is what I opened up to… this is beautiful news and I cannot thank you enough for your kind and encouraging words. I’m truly honoured. And very grateful… Thank you Nina 💐💜

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much Nina. I really appreciate your kind contribution to this post.
      It’s a topic I’m very passionate about and yes, as you said, it’s a matter of how we choose to see things. Rewording our ‘faults’ to become gifts is a big step. Or at the very least, to just be accepting and grateful.
      Thank you again Nina 🌸💕

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Thank you Nina. I’ve been doing a lot of listening and reading to arrive at the points I made in this post. So I love sharing what seems to be helping me so others may benefit too. As I always say, we’re in this together.
        You are really lovely Nina. Thank you for your kind support 🌈❤

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh Di, this is so wonderful as usual! As I sit here bawling my eyes out, I can certainly relate. My ex-husband left me when my daughters were two and four years old respectively. And I spent the longest time wondering if it was because I’m a bad person, not worthy of anyone’s love, etc., etc. I’m going through a rather difficult patch right now, as my older daughter rarely communicates with me and only chooses to see family members at official “family events” like b-day parties and such. She’s been diagnosed with depression for two years now and is on anti-depressant meds. She also smokes alot of weed daily, which, every time I see her, always tell her that it’s really bad for you (not only because in itself it’s a depressant, but also because of the medical issues, etc.) So I think now she doesn’t really want to see me because she knows I’m going to get on her case about the weed. I feel guilty about being a single parent (and maybe not such a good one) to my daughters and not doing as good a job as I could have (hindsight is 20-20), but I’ve had some pretty big baggage to deal with myself. My mom died when I was 2-1/2 years old in a car accident; I was in the car with my parents and she told my dad to save me. When he came back for her, she had already drowned. And he has not failed to blame me for her death my entire life. He remarried when I was 10, but my stepmother is super judgemental and we’ve never been close. Anyhoo, I really have tried to put the past behind me because nothing now will change anything. I have tried to give my daughter her space, even if it kills me inside. As I may have mentioned to you on IG, I’ve decided for now to start jogging again (this coming Sunday) because nothing makes me feel as good about myself as the peaceful feeling that overcomes me when I’m running. And right now, that will hopefully help me get back to my happy place.

    Thanks for reading my sordid story. Hope you don’t think less of me becuase of it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Dear Cynthia,
      All I can say is thank you for being so open, raw and honest in your contribution here in this post. I am so sad to hear about your tragedy with your dear mum and the consequences that followed.
      You have the most uplifting and gracious spirit and I know that will support you in your plan to move forward and it sounds like beginning jogging will aid this too.
      I wish you every peace and healing in this sharing, my friend….and there is no way I could ever think less of you. In fact, it’s quite the opposite.
      I truly appreciate you visiting here and with your kind comments about the post.
      In gratitude to you, may you be blessed Cynthia 💕✨

      Like

    1. Hello dear Gabriel,
      I’m touched by your kind words on my post. Thank you so much. They mean a lot.
      For me, a little encouragement goes such a long way and those that give it…. will just never know….
      So thank you my friend.
      Yes, I’m really honoured that you resonated with those last two lines you wrote as I’m really delving deeply into affirmations.
      Please feel free to write them on a sticky note as a reminder seeing you enjoyed them so much.
      Thank you again so much Gabriel 🌈🌟🌟🌟🌟

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello Lisa,
      You’ve just made my day. Honestly.
      Thank you so much for finding me and coming to visit.
      It’s one of those days that I’m having those doubts and I’m sitting with it and here’s my answer.
      You never know the power of encouragement until you need it yourself.
      That’s so kind and I really hope you enjoy the rest of my posts. Thank you with much gratitude Lisa 🌈💕

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That’s beautiful.
        Thank you Lisa. As I say on Instagram, please make a ‘cuppa and share one with me as you read…. I write with a cuppa next to me 🙋🌹🌹🌹

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I love nature and nature photography, so love your capture of the leaves. I’m thankful for what I have and I praise God what he has blessed me with, prefect health, I can see, walk, talk and actively involved in what I love doing, which is learning. There are many out there deprived of this very blessing, so yes happy and grateful. Thank you dear for the lovely positive post.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello Sobia,
      Thank you so much for your kind words and beautiful contribution to this post. Your gratitude for the things we often take for granted are truly inspiring…a lovely reminder for us.
      And thank you too for appreciating my Autumn leaves images.
      Have a great week 💐🌟🌟

      Liked by 1 person

  5. Forgiveness and acceptance are very empowering! Glad you found your way there. You have a similar warm openness that I sensed in Miriam … so now 2 more reasons to head south sometime!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh thank you so much, Ginger.
      Firstly for the follow and reading this post (and my About, which I’ve seen you ‘like’) and secondly, for your very kind comments here. It is my honour to be thought of as you do Miriam. Such a compliment.
      And how lovely… yes, you will be welcome down here and we could have our own Bloggers meetup. How special.
      Enjoy your day as may I assume you are in the Northern hemisphere?
      Thank you again for your warm welcoming comments 🌟🌟

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It’s really upsetting and yes, Lismore is in a bad way.
        That’s lovely that you can help out in your own way for others you know.
        Have a lovely week and all the best, Ginger 🌈🌸

        Liked by 1 person

  6. Hello dear Di! I read this post late in the afternoon on the day you posted it and, amazingly, I had been writing in my journal only a few hours beforehand on some of these exact feelings!! We must be psychically connected! Haha! This article could have been written about me as I too have (and still do, to a certain extent) those very traits. Your writing once again has resonated with me on a deep level and I hope to put some of your insights into practice. You are an inspiring gift of a friend. 💜💜

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello dear Kim,
      Thank you so much firstly for reading my new post. I really appreciate your kind support.
      Secondly, I’m touched by your honesty that these thoughts and traits are things we share.
      Sometimes I think the very fact we are not alone assists in us being able to own and accept them better.
      Perhaps the gratitude journals we are encouraged to keep may include thanking those parts of us we found difficult to love…
      And… I’d love to think we are psychically connected. I think the experience you described has proven it perfectly.
      Always grateful to hear from you my lovely friend so thank you again.
      Hugs to you 🌹💜🙋

      Like

      1. For so long I felt alone with these feelings, imagining no one else was so ‘burdened’ by them or that I was just inadequate or strange. As I get older I’m becoming more aware that we have no idea of other people’s stories as they can be hidden so well. It’s comforting, as you say, to know that we are not alone and in fact, everyone has their issues to deal with and ultimately accept and embrace (forgive). We are all more alike than we realise. Thank you for bringing this to the forefront and giving us food for thought along with tips to accept ourselves. Much love. 💜

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Your kind words mean so much Kim.
        I’m honoured by them and thank you sincerely.
        Yes, I believe these things are truly important to share.
        I know learning that I’m not the only one through other blogs and podcasts has helped me so much.
        It gives us the strength of our voice.
        Much love and gratitude to you 💜🌈

        Like

    1. Oh Nikki… I’m gone tingly.
      I can’t say a thing in reply…. ‘thank you’. And ‘I’m honoured’ will have to do your beautiful comments justice. Truly…. thank you for letting me know about your tears. May they be a long awaited sign of togetherness, as in I hear you…and also healing tears…
      Much love to you and gratitude for your words 🦋💕

      Liked by 1 person

      1. That is amazing dear Nikki. I cannot thank you enough. And it’s not for the exposure that it may bring… its more than that. It’s the pure encouragement that this is where I’m meant to be for the moment as my ‘next’. Sending hugs and a huge load of gratitude to you.
        🌈🦋💕

        Like

  7. Di, I am so touched. You are inspirational in your courage, strength of heart, and willingness to show up and accept and love yourself and the situations you find yourself in. Thank you for your contribution to Forgiving Fridays – this is a perfect sharing, because it is YOUR expression.

    My spiritual mentor has a great quote that reminds me of what you wrote here: “Take what you have, and use it to build the life you want. Tend your life as you would a garden. Weed out those things you no longer want or need, and nurture with loving care those things you value.” -John-Roger, D.S.S.

    Many blessings, and love – Debbie
    ps – I also love the quote you included from Dr. Desmond Tutu!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello dear Debbie🌼
      I’m so touched by your kind and heartfelt words. They really mean a lot.
      And your quote is perfect and sums up just where I’m at currently. Beautiful.
      And I’m glad you liked Dr Tutu’s quote too.
      You are very kind. And I thank you for it Debbie 🦋💕

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Oh Di how I love this post! This is exactly what we have been talking about in the mindfulness course I am taking. It is to take those negative untrue thoughts and turn them around. So beautiful and so inspiring! You are amazing and an inspiration! Many people aren’t. So you are more than enough! Xoxo

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hello dear Nicole!
      I’m thrilled to hear from you. I thought you’d be offline by now for your new adventure but so glad to have you here for this.
      I love your comments about aligning with your meditation course. It sounds awesome. We really are our own worst enemy at times and it didn’t make anything better thinking like that.
      Thank you so sincerely for your gorgeous compliments…. they have made my day.
      Much gratitude to you for being so welcoming and encouraging always… Enjoy your time away and I’ll look forward to ‘seeing’ you when you have a chance.
      Hugs to you, lovely 💕🌟🌟

      Liked by 2 people

  9. Di, as someone who is constantly seeking meaning and a deeper understanding of all my experiences, reading this really struck a chord. It is brilliant and is a post that will benefit everyone after reading. You have eloquently captured the struggle we all face within ourselves and have reminded me that I need to stop beating myself up for the strengths I lack and embrace my talents, and the possibilities that exist because of them. Our inner voices can do so much damage, but you have provided us all words to remember and ones we need to tell ourselves over and over again. What a wonderful and encouraging post to read! Thank you! Fantastic, Di!! 👏

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hello dear Tanya!
      Thank you so sincerely for your gorgeous and encouraging comments.
      I’m truly touched and honoured that this resonated for you. That’s my dream… to use myself as the ‘crash test dummy’ to see what works and spread some tips.
      It’s a horrid way to live… being your own worst enemy.
      Yes dear Tanya… from this moment on… be your own best friend and say kind things to yourself. I personally think you’re beautiful.
      Thank you again…. ✨✨✨🌈

      Liked by 2 people

  10. Stunning !!.
    The post and your self-discovery.
    You are a seeker my friend with an exploitative mind and would love to quote your own quote “What if our evolution meant we could see possibility’
    I loved the last thanksgiving para. It is as if the hidden treasures have unearthed.
    Giving meaning to our suffering.
    Yes, You can only be a winner if you have nothing to fight.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello dear ArtOfmobile🌟
      I always take a deep breath to see what beautiful nuggets of wisdom you have added to my post. This is another beautiful addition and I love your quote about the hidden treasures being unearthed… that’s so true and what we must accept…
      Your last line is stunning too.
      Do you have somewhere for you to write and publish?
      You have a way with words and I’d love to read a piece any time you may put something out there.
      Thank you as always my friend. You’ve been here since the beginning and I’m truly grateful and appreciate you and your loyalty more than you will know 🌈❤

      Like

      1. Dear Friend,
        I am glad you liked my words. No, I do not write as such.
        But I must tell you, it’s your inner words which stirs my heart. And it compels me to reflect my inner experiences by writing.
        So many-many thanks for igniting and allowing me to recollect and live some moments of joy. And this is the secret of being loyal :).
        Kindly note there is a spell error in my first comment. Please read “exploitative ” as explorative.
        Looking forward for another truth to unfold.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Dear ArtOfmobile,
        Firstly, thank you for your lovely comments above and answering my query.
        Well, you know this is your safe place here and you are very welcome to write anything that will allow reflection of your joyous moments and experiences.
        I’m touched that my words stir something in you as I discover this newly released creative genre. It means so much.
        To write from the heart and to push through the doubt and fear is truly liberating.
        You are always welcome and I hope to continue writing from the heart.
        And don’t worry about your typo… I’m sure it was autocorrect. It thinks it knows better sometimes…🤔
        Thank you again, loyal friend. Enjoy your weekend and wishing you peace and happiness 🌹💕

        Like

    1. Hello to you, Yourdivineperfume🌹
      Thank you so much for stopping by to read my post and then for leaving such a beautiful comment. I’m so honoured that it touched you in that way and that makes me content. If you are one step closer to loving you as you…. my work is done.
      I’m really honoured too about what you think about my writing…. you’ve truly made my day.
      Thank you again, and I look forward to reading some posts from you when you share them.
      Blessings and love to you, Di 🦋💜

      Liked by 1 person

    2. Hey Di…this is “me” 😀 Carol, from “the Rose and I” 😍😄. For some reason WordPress has picked up another one of my email addresses (for my book) rather than my current business!!!!!! I’m confused lol 😄😄😄So, I may have shown up here as either Carol, the Rose and I or yourdivineperfume!!!!! Lots of love to you dear Di xxoo

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh hello dear Carol🌹
        I’m so glad I used the Rose emoji when I saw the name you are under here… I must have known something…🤔
        Well, now I know you may be any of those names, I’ll keep an eye out.
        Whatever you appear as here, I’m always so grateful for your loving support and kindest comments.
        Thank you sincerely and sending love and light to you Carol 🌹💕💕

        Liked by 1 person

  11. What an absolutely beautiful post Di, full of self reflection, forgiving and quiet acceptance. Now I know why we’re such kindred spirits, because in this post you could also have been describing me. This is a perfect Forgiving post for Debbie’s Forgiving Friday, she’ll love it. Big hugs and much love to you as you continue your very honest and thought provoking blogging journey Di. xo 💕

    Liked by 3 people

    1. You know your words have made my night don’t you dear Miriam! Thank you so much… and yes… I believe that’s why…. and why I think you’re awesome doing what you’re doing.
      I truly value your kind feedback and encouragement.
      Much gratitude to you for being so generous 💜

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ah Miriam… enjoy your weekend now. You’ve earnt quite the rest. Hope you may find yourself in your beautiful restorative nature for a while over the next couple of days.
        Hugs and love to you my friend 🦋❤

        Liked by 1 person

      1. Oh Debbie…. thank you… and yes, you have received a few lovely comments from other bloggers when they saw my ping back to you. I’m honoured to be part of your ‘tribe’ dear Debbie😍🌹

        Liked by 1 person

    1. Hello Brigid🌸
      Thank you so much for stopping by to read my post.
      I know… I’d posted mine when I read yours today and I couldn’t believe we were feeling such similar things. I enjoyed yours and I’m thrilled you enjoyed mine by your kindest comments.
      And thank you for your encouragement about the ping back to Debbie. I appreciate your lovely feedback 🌟💕

      Liked by 2 people

      1. Hello dear Debbie🌹
        That’s incredibly kind of you and your words mean so much. I’m truly touched and very proud to be part of your ForgivingFriday this week.
        In gratitude, thanks from
        Di ❤🦋

        Liked by 1 person

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